Dear,
I talked to a man recently who had problems with his wife because she was very neat and he was a self-admitted "slob." Even though their problem wasn't threatening to their marriage it was a regular point of contention for them.
As I talked with this man, I really liked his attitude concerning his wife and his problem with being messy. The first thing I liked was that he admitted his problem and didn't try to blame anyone or justify what he was doing.
The second thing I liked about him was that he was actively seeking ways to improve. He went to a lot of trouble to read books on the subject and also found a support group at his church for messy spouses married to "neat freaks."
The third thing I liked about him was his honesty about his problem. He told me that both of his parents were messy and hoarded things in an unhealthy way. In the conversation he said that he felt like the root of his problem was twofold: The first was perfectionism.
As crazy as it sounds, there is a part of perfectionism in some people that doesn't even try at something unless they can do it perfectly. The second root was a loyalty to his parents. He said that being messy was in part an emotional connection to his parents. In a candid moment he told me that his wife's insistence upon him being orderly was a challenge to his loyalty to his family. He emotionally equated neatness with rejection of his parents.
I really liked this man and by the end of the conversation felt as though I had been enlightened. I believe he will successfully overcome his problem and I also believe his marriage will succeed for a long time.
We can all take a lesson from him because we all have issues in our lives that keep our marriages from being all they should be. We all have problems that at times cause our spouses frustration and sometimes even great distress.
Admitting our problems and actively working to solve them are important keys to a great marriage. We are the only people who can clean up our messes in relationships. When we do, it says something to our spouses beyond what words can say.
Blessings,
I talked to a man recently who had problems with his wife because she was very neat and he was a self-admitted "slob." Even though their problem wasn't threatening to their marriage it was a regular point of contention for them.
As I talked with this man, I really liked his attitude concerning his wife and his problem with being messy. The first thing I liked was that he admitted his problem and didn't try to blame anyone or justify what he was doing.
The second thing I liked about him was that he was actively seeking ways to improve. He went to a lot of trouble to read books on the subject and also found a support group at his church for messy spouses married to "neat freaks."
The third thing I liked about him was his honesty about his problem. He told me that both of his parents were messy and hoarded things in an unhealthy way. In the conversation he said that he felt like the root of his problem was twofold: The first was perfectionism.
As crazy as it sounds, there is a part of perfectionism in some people that doesn't even try at something unless they can do it perfectly. The second root was a loyalty to his parents. He said that being messy was in part an emotional connection to his parents. In a candid moment he told me that his wife's insistence upon him being orderly was a challenge to his loyalty to his family. He emotionally equated neatness with rejection of his parents.
I really liked this man and by the end of the conversation felt as though I had been enlightened. I believe he will successfully overcome his problem and I also believe his marriage will succeed for a long time.
We can all take a lesson from him because we all have issues in our lives that keep our marriages from being all they should be. We all have problems that at times cause our spouses frustration and sometimes even great distress.
Admitting our problems and actively working to solve them are important keys to a great marriage. We are the only people who can clean up our messes in relationships. When we do, it says something to our spouses beyond what words can say.
Blessings,
Jimmy Evans
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