I think I have something to say!

Am I alone in the fact that I sometimes go through my day and think hmmm... I should blog about that, but then never do. I have had so much stuff going on in my life these past few months it almost seems overwhelming to put into words. So I think that I am going to take the next month and use this here blog as some sort of therapy!

First on my list to share:

Children... recently my husband and I decided that 3 was our number. So we did the permanent thing and he got the old snip..snip.
I totally feel as though God himself told me that 3 was my number. I felt content with this decision and in fact was excited about not worrying every month if our protection didn't work.
I had peace! I settled in to the fact that THIS was my family. That I was onto the next chapter in my life.

Then Christmas hit... I realized that morning that this was in fact the LAST Christmas I was going to have a little baby more interested in the wrapping then the actual gift. That we were capturing such a monumental moment in our lives that morning. The Christmas that our family would no longer be a growing one. Ouch

I have had many moments since that morning where the reality of the place I am in my life has hit me. The place where change is soooo scary. I am not going to be bearing any more children. Also the fact that they grow up so fast does not help that fear of change I have. The feeling I get when my now 8 yr old looks at me and says " are you really going to wear that?". Or when my now 5 yr old tells me that I don't have to hold his hand anymore walking into school. And now my 1 yr old is talking and walking and being such a snuggle bug!

I am not saying that I regret the decision my husband and I have made. I am just facing a huge change of direction in my life. We all have these milestones in our lives. College, marriage, buying a house, then of course babies. I guess I never really thought about what happens when you stop being a baby maker :) It really is something all mothers will go through. Some may feel relieved, depressed, joyful or even scared. I am just really fearful of change.


to be continued...