Dear ,
When Karen and I first met and for the first several years of our marriage it was very difficult for me to be emotionally expressive and vulnerable. There were two main reasons for this. First, I was insecure and feared being rejected or shamed if I opened up. Some of that was based on emotional scars from my past.
Second, I had a wrong concept of what being a man was about. I had a "John Wayne" complex and thought real men didn't show their emotions. The result of my problem was a lot of dysfunction and frustration in our relationship.
For example, here were some of the things that I didn't do because of my emotional inhibitions:
I rarely showed Karen affection such as holding her hand or embracing her in a soft, non-sexual manner -- even though she asked for it regularly.
I never admitted I was wrong or revealed weakness.
I wouldn't pray with Karen and was mortified at the thought of discussing deeply personal or spiritual issues.
I didn't properly comfort her when she was upset or was hurting. I would just emotionally freeze and hope she would get over it.
The problem I had with lack of emotional freedom is common for men and even for some women. Regardless of who is experiencing the problem, it is a serious impediment to a marriage relationship. Let me offer these suggestions from my own experience in how to overcome this problem and its related issues:
Don't justify your problem or defend it. Admit to yourself and your spouse that you have an emotional weakness. Commit to your spouse that you will deal with it in a serious manner until it is resolved.
Pray for God to help you overcome the fear and shame of expressing your emotions.
Take emotional "baby steps" every day in the right direction. Showing a little more affection, revealing a little more emotion and doing little things here and there will result in important progress that will allow you to keep moving forward.
Get outside help and counseling if you need it.
Emotional freedom is important for a couple to enjoy a free flow of communication, affection and intimacy. If anything is affecting your ability to express yourselves as you should, take it seriously and consider the steps I have suggested.
Blessings,Jimmy Evans
When Karen and I first met and for the first several years of our marriage it was very difficult for me to be emotionally expressive and vulnerable. There were two main reasons for this. First, I was insecure and feared being rejected or shamed if I opened up. Some of that was based on emotional scars from my past.
Second, I had a wrong concept of what being a man was about. I had a "John Wayne" complex and thought real men didn't show their emotions. The result of my problem was a lot of dysfunction and frustration in our relationship.
For example, here were some of the things that I didn't do because of my emotional inhibitions:
I rarely showed Karen affection such as holding her hand or embracing her in a soft, non-sexual manner -- even though she asked for it regularly.
I never admitted I was wrong or revealed weakness.
I wouldn't pray with Karen and was mortified at the thought of discussing deeply personal or spiritual issues.
I didn't properly comfort her when she was upset or was hurting. I would just emotionally freeze and hope she would get over it.
The problem I had with lack of emotional freedom is common for men and even for some women. Regardless of who is experiencing the problem, it is a serious impediment to a marriage relationship. Let me offer these suggestions from my own experience in how to overcome this problem and its related issues:
Don't justify your problem or defend it. Admit to yourself and your spouse that you have an emotional weakness. Commit to your spouse that you will deal with it in a serious manner until it is resolved.
Pray for God to help you overcome the fear and shame of expressing your emotions.
Take emotional "baby steps" every day in the right direction. Showing a little more affection, revealing a little more emotion and doing little things here and there will result in important progress that will allow you to keep moving forward.
Get outside help and counseling if you need it.
Emotional freedom is important for a couple to enjoy a free flow of communication, affection and intimacy. If anything is affecting your ability to express yourselves as you should, take it seriously and consider the steps I have suggested.
Blessings,Jimmy Evans
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